This essay has strong imagery and
tells a good tale. I’d like to see a bit more elaboration in the conclusion.
The perfect break. Title? If so, center it, place it in title case, and place it on a separate line. And no period. If no… create a title. It was a warm summer evening; the sun was just high enough you is second person acceptable? It isn’t usually. could look up and be blinded; just low enough you could tell the day was coming to a close. From the garage of my house, it took me just under two minutes to ride my black and blue beach cruiser to the smooth sand of Croatan beach. Following behind, my step-dad, Chris, held a body board in one arm, and steered you start in past tense… stay with it unless there is a real reason to do so. his dark blue beach cruiser with the other. We walked the three feet of sand that kept us from the bike holders. I unstrapped my carbon fiber surfboard from its holder mounted on the side of my bike while Chris locked the bikes together.
I trotted up the sand dune pathway. Either way I looked, I saw large beach houses stretching all the way across the shore line. The one to my left stood tall with a bowed 4 by 2 glass roof made for watching the stars at night. The house to my right was noticeably shorter, but made up for it with a longer yard and house length. The only thing separating me from them was two halves of a dune covered in knee high grass and shrubs as well as the waist-high, thin wooden picket fences that poked up from the edges of the pathway. I look down. I notice the millions of micro sized rocks that make up the sand, and a penny-sized hermit crab fluttering to its burrow inside the sand. As I watch, my eyes wander up the dune; a seashell here, a piece of driftwood there, and finally, they settle on the calming sight of the Atlantic Ocean.
As soon as I hear the ‘click’ of the bike lock, I snapped fix the other verbs in this paragraph and check the rest of your paper for this error. As stated above, they must match. If the piece is supposed to be written in present tense, go back to the beginning and make them all present tense. out of my ocean compelled trance with a little jump. I skip over to my bike rack which was now neatly folded back into the length of my cruiser, my surfboard standing up with the support of a wooden beam that guided the walking path. I look at Chris and give him a slight nod of the head that says “Thanks.” I slip my right arm over the cool sticky wax and start to trek up the small dune.
It took zero time for us to reach the warm water. I submerge myself in the calm chaos of the sea; the first time under always feels like the longest. I come back up for air and grab my board’s leash, securing it to my right ankle. As soon as there’s a break between waves, I paddle out. The water washed over me as I took turns duck diving under each new wave that comes (or make it past tense and all the other verbs in this paragraph… as I mentioned above.) at me. I finally make it past the break. I sit with my board half way facing the shore while I watch as waves come rolling past me, waiting for the perfect wave.
After five minutes of waiting, I finally see the wave I’ve been waiting for. I wait for it to build a little more and then I turn my board and start paddling. I cup my hands and dig deep and fast heading straight for the sand as I wait for the wave to catch hold of my board. My arms are starting to burn and my back is already feeling achy from holding myself in the surfing superman position. J Nice imagery here At last, I feel the familiar tug of the wave behind me and push out two more big strokes of the arms before I pop up. Angling my board to the right, I quickly get into standing stance with crouched knees and wide feet. The board feels like an extension of my body as I push out from the bottom of the wave to its lip and back again. With a huge grin on my face, I ride it out until there’s no wave left. I turn to Chris and he tells me I did great!
I was so excited to catch another ride; I didn’t even wait for the waves to calm down. I turned my strong and hard surfboard back into the waves keeping it in front of me while I did a silent victory dance, and with the same grin plastered on my face I looked back to the waves and board in front of me and that was all I saw. I heard a loud ‘THUNK’ and a shocking pain vibrated throughout my neck. The next thing I know, I’m on a stretcher in an ambulance. The perfect break. This needs a bit more information. While it is ok to leave your readers with some questions, what was broken? Your neck? Your head? The board? Will all your readers understand the double meaning of the perfect break? If not, some mention of the waves being the perfect break needs to be made.
The perfect break. Title? If so, center it, place it in title case, and place it on a separate line. And no period. If no… create a title. It was a warm summer evening; the sun was just high enough you is second person acceptable? It isn’t usually. could look up and be blinded; just low enough you could tell the day was coming to a close. From the garage of my house, it took me just under two minutes to ride my black and blue beach cruiser to the smooth sand of Croatan beach. Following behind, my step-dad, Chris, held a body board in one arm, and steered you start in past tense… stay with it unless there is a real reason to do so. his dark blue beach cruiser with the other. We walked the three feet of sand that kept us from the bike holders. I unstrapped my carbon fiber surfboard from its holder mounted on the side of my bike while Chris locked the bikes together.
I trotted up the sand dune pathway. Either way I looked, I saw large beach houses stretching all the way across the shore line. The one to my left stood tall with a bowed 4 by 2 glass roof made for watching the stars at night. The house to my right was noticeably shorter, but made up for it with a longer yard and house length. The only thing separating me from them was two halves of a dune covered in knee high grass and shrubs as well as the waist-high, thin wooden picket fences that poked up from the edges of the pathway. I look down. I notice the millions of micro sized rocks that make up the sand, and a penny-sized hermit crab fluttering to its burrow inside the sand. As I watch, my eyes wander up the dune; a seashell here, a piece of driftwood there, and finally, they settle on the calming sight of the Atlantic Ocean.
As soon as I hear the ‘click’ of the bike lock, I snapped fix the other verbs in this paragraph and check the rest of your paper for this error. As stated above, they must match. If the piece is supposed to be written in present tense, go back to the beginning and make them all present tense. out of my ocean compelled trance with a little jump. I skip over to my bike rack which was now neatly folded back into the length of my cruiser, my surfboard standing up with the support of a wooden beam that guided the walking path. I look at Chris and give him a slight nod of the head that says “Thanks.” I slip my right arm over the cool sticky wax and start to trek up the small dune.
It took zero time for us to reach the warm water. I submerge myself in the calm chaos of the sea; the first time under always feels like the longest. I come back up for air and grab my board’s leash, securing it to my right ankle. As soon as there’s a break between waves, I paddle out. The water washed over me as I took turns duck diving under each new wave that comes (or make it past tense and all the other verbs in this paragraph… as I mentioned above.) at me. I finally make it past the break. I sit with my board half way facing the shore while I watch as waves come rolling past me, waiting for the perfect wave.
After five minutes of waiting, I finally see the wave I’ve been waiting for. I wait for it to build a little more and then I turn my board and start paddling. I cup my hands and dig deep and fast heading straight for the sand as I wait for the wave to catch hold of my board. My arms are starting to burn and my back is already feeling achy from holding myself in the surfing superman position. J Nice imagery here At last, I feel the familiar tug of the wave behind me and push out two more big strokes of the arms before I pop up. Angling my board to the right, I quickly get into standing stance with crouched knees and wide feet. The board feels like an extension of my body as I push out from the bottom of the wave to its lip and back again. With a huge grin on my face, I ride it out until there’s no wave left. I turn to Chris and he tells me I did great!
I was so excited to catch another ride; I didn’t even wait for the waves to calm down. I turned my strong and hard surfboard back into the waves keeping it in front of me while I did a silent victory dance, and with the same grin plastered on my face I looked back to the waves and board in front of me and that was all I saw. I heard a loud ‘THUNK’ and a shocking pain vibrated throughout my neck. The next thing I know, I’m on a stretcher in an ambulance. The perfect break. This needs a bit more information. While it is ok to leave your readers with some questions, what was broken? Your neck? Your head? The board? Will all your readers understand the double meaning of the perfect break? If not, some mention of the waves being the perfect break needs to be made.